This is not a JOKE !!!

Multi Purpose Lenovo Thinkpad

2010-03-10T03:19:00.000-08:00

Wow... what a funny advertisement!

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Do not sleep in the highway!

2009-10-02T06:11:00.000-07:00

Wow... the driver is so sleepy and fallen sleep while driving.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Divorce Australian Way !!!

2009-10-01T08:21:00.000-07:00

The man giggle and say:"I've everything I want!"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Do you believe this guy !!!???

2009-05-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

Do you believe it ???
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Dogs have nightmares too.

2009-05-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

Guess what, we know that dogs, like us have dreams too. Take a look at this one .........
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Bullying

2009-04-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

Ouchhh.... !!! It's truely pain dude !!! Don't try it at home.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Frontier Fireworks

2009-04-23T05:47:00.000-07:00

Enjoy the fireworks !
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Dirty Minded Sniffer Dog

2009-04-22T07:22:00.000-07:00

Haha.... Just wonder how the owner train him.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Massagist

2009-04-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

A candid camera show in a massage center.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Man Can Multitask

2009-04-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

Can't imagine if I saw this scene with my eyes.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Female Drivers Compilation

2009-04-19T06:05:00.000-07:00

Yes, no jokes ! They are female drivers.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Naughty Daddy

2009-04-18T05:53:00.000-07:00

This naughty daddy purposely make the noise to scare the baby, so pity to the baby.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

How to Dodge a Parking Ticket

2009-04-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Maybe it could work in your country.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Call for backup !!!

2009-03-02T04:01:00.000-08:00

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?' He answered, 'Call for backup.'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church #3

2009-03-01T06:27:00.000-08:00

An elderly woman died last month.

Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The Black Hole In The Office

2009-02-10T02:42:00.000-08:00

Human Nature ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church #2

2009-02-09T04:42:00.000-08:00

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'

The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'

The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church #1

2009-02-07T22:57:00.000-08:00

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''

The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'

The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

At President BUSH 's Farewell Dinner

2009-02-05T02:52:00.000-08:00

For security reasons, your shoes please !
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The Poor Vicar

2009-02-04T05:21:00.000-08:00

The local Vicar explains that he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Southland and Otago, stands up and proclaims: 'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Holden every year and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!'

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, standsand says, If the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school education of his children!'

More sighs and loud applause. Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,' If the Vicar stays, I will give him sex.'

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her: 'Mrs. Jones,whatever possessed you to say that?'

Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying tohide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies:

'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck the Vicar'.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

One word riddle.

2009-02-03T09:51:00.000-08:00

'Nine letter word'

What if this was the only question on the exam to pass high school English and earn your diploma. Would you graduate?

Okay you brainiacs, here is a brain teaser for you.

What nine letter word in the English language is still a word when each of the nine letters is removed one by one?

Take a few minutes to try and come up with a nine letter word that fits the bill, then watch the attached video....

Well, just watch the video....cause you're never going to figure it out!

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

This Is A Council Job

2008-12-12T02:41:00.000-08:00

A guy goes to Coventry City Council to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'

He answers 'Yes - caffeine' '

Have you ever been in the armed services?'

'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way?

The guy says, 'Yes ...a bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'

'This is a council job,' the interviewer says.

'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls, not really any point in you coming in for that'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Lim Peh Si KIWI !!!

2008-12-11T07:11:00.000-08:00

There were 3 eggs in the fridge.
Egg 1 sat on it's place quietly after it's back from the supermarket.
Suddenly, egg 2 whisper to egg 1, "Wei, the egg besides me got hair one......Eee..... so disgusting......."

.....
......
.......
........
.........

Egg 3 heard it and said angrily, "Lim peh si KIWI fruit, not egg!" (I'm KIWI fruit, not egg)
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why Geisha Walk Like This ?

2008-12-10T02:57:00.000-08:00

Now here the secret revealed why geisha walking like this.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Chinese Song - Price Rise

2008-12-09T05:53:00.000-08:00

Since the Malaysia government increase the petrol price, everything price up. Now here is the song which describe the situation and been edited.

Inside has shown that a businessman feel pressured on the price rise and cut down on daily food expenses.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

My Cubicle - Song & Lyrics

2008-12-08T07:45:00.000-08:00

Performed by: Jym Britton
Parody on “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt

My job is stupid my day’s a bore,
Inside this office from eight to four
Nothin’ ever happens my life is pretty bland,
Pretending that I’m working, pray I don’t get canned.

My Cubicle, My cubicle
It’s One of Sixty two
It’s my small space in a crowded place
Just a six-by-six foot booth
And I hate it that’s the truth

Well, I give a sigh as the boss walks by,
no one ever talks to me or looks me in the eye.
And I really should work but instead I just sit here and surf the Internet.

In My Cubicle, My cubicle
It doesn’t have a view.
It’s my small space in a crowded place
I sit in solitude.
And sometimes I sit here nude.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Off your mobile !!!

2008-12-05T18:50:00.000-08:00

Off your mobile please, otherwise how is he going to finish the movie ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

What Are Snowman Doing During Summer ?

2008-12-04T16:14:00.000-08:00

Hahaha..... else where you think there are so much ice cream come from ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Joke of the day

2008-12-01T03:21:00.000-08:00

On the way out the priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night.

Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!"

The dying man said nothing.

The priest repeated his advice. Still the dying man said nothing.

The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?"

The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Smart Lady

2008-11-30T04:57:00.000-08:00

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"For reading a book," she replies,
"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again,
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Suicide

2008-11-29T00:15:00.000-08:00

A new way to solve suicide incident.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

2008-11-28T05:47:00.000-08:00

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said

'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Potential problem with Obama presidency

2008-11-27T03:17:00.000-08:00

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Wife intervention...Yr Haha for this week!

2008-11-26T03:00:00.000-08:00

'White' wife intervention
Watch the cartoon, it will change by itself..

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Merry Christmas from your Investment Banker

2008-11-20T03:05:00.000-08:00

Investment Banking 2008 Christmas Card and Latest Christmas carol for 2008, !!!

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town

It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake, HEY

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!

Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake, OH

You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.

in moments like this......there will be light......and sing your heart out.....
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Arc Flash

2008-11-19T05:14:00.000-08:00

I believe the technical guy making a mistake and cause the short circuit.

Please don't try this at home.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Crazy Frog or The Crazy Cameraman

2008-11-18T03:55:00.000-08:00

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

High Speed Corner Driving Skills

2008-11-17T04:43:00.000-08:00

From Italy

From Singapore

From Malaysia

From Germany

From Hong Kong

From China

From Korea

From Indonesia

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Sperm Education

2008-11-16T07:01:00.000-08:00

The newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

“As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg.

Address it and say, “I’m a Sperm.” She will answer, I’m the Egg.” From that moment on you will work together to create the embryo. Do you understand?”

The sperm nodded affirmatively and the instructor said, “Then, good luck!”

Two days later, the sperm is taking a nap when he hears the siren. He wakes up immediately and runs to the tunnel.

A multitude of sperm swim behind him. He knows he has to arrive first. When he nears the entrance to the cavern, he looks back and sees that he is far ahead of the other sperm.

He is able to swim at a slower pace but does approach the red, sticky ball.

When, at last, he reaches the red, sticky ball, he smiles and says, “Hi, I’m a sperm.”

The red sticky ball smiles and says, “Hi. I’m a tonsil.”
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Best Position in Bed - (+18)

2008-11-14T23:14:00.000-08:00

WARNING !!!
Only for adults
If you are Minor, Please Don't Scroll Down !
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What were you Thinking ?

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

HR memo to staff : CURSING AT WORK !!

2008-11-14T05:02:00.000-08:00

Memo: Cursing at Work
Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner..

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late ..
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Thank You,
Human Resources
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Men and Shopping

2008-11-13T03:01:00.000-08:00

Why one wife now chooses to shop alone

HERE's proof of what can happen when a woman drags her highly disinterested husband or boyfriend along when shopping. This letter was sent by a British hypermart to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs Murray,
While we thank you for your valued patronage and use of our store loyalty card, the manager of our store is considereing banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of just some of the offences over the past few months, all verified by our surveillance cameras :

15 Jun : Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2 Jul : Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.
14 Aug : Moved a "Caution - Wet floor" sign to a carpeted area.
4 Oct : Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror to pick his nose.
3 Dec : Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible theme.
18 Dec : Hid in a clothing rack and yelled, "Pick me, pick me!"
23 Dec : Went into a fitting room, shut the door, then yelled very loudly : "There is no toilet paper in here."

Yours sincerely,
Store Manager

-Spotted by Derrick Soo
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Questions on Men‏

2008-11-12T07:44:00.000-08:00

Question: What is the difference between men and puppies?
Answer: Puppies grow up.

Question: Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Answer: Because they are...

Question: What do men have in common with ceramic tiles?
Answer: Fix them properly once and you can walk all over them forever.

Question: If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which onewould hit the ground first?
Answer: Who cares?????

Question: What did God say after he created man?
Answer: I can do better than this! And then he created woman!!!.

Question: What's the difference between an intelligent man & a UFO?
Answer: I don't know, I've never seen either.

Question: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
Answer: i) no mind ii) no business

Question: Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
Answer:! Because even back then men wouldn't ask for directions.

Question: What is the difference between men and pigs?
Answer: Pigs don't turn into men when they drink...

Question: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
Answer: The same urge that makes dogs chase vehicles they have nointention of driving.

Question: What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift?
Answer: Exchange him!!

Question: Why do men like smart women?
Answer: Opposites attract.

Pass this on to some women who need a laugh..
and to men who can handle it!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Lavalise

2008-11-11T02:38:00.000-08:00

The Rubberboy show... unbelievable bending all parts of his body ... you will feel likely to shout ouch !!!
Please don't try this at home !!!

_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

A Funny HR Memo

2008-11-10T02:47:00.000-08:00

To all Employees:

Effective January 2009

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

HolidayDays

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements.

In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4 Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

Management

_______________________________________

by blogatouille

web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Height of Communication GAP

2008-11-09T03:48:00.000-08:00

A 'little' humour from Toastmasters.

Height of Communication GAP

Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: 'I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody.'

The next day, Mrs.Sharma receives a telephone call from Electric Company because the electricity bill has not been paid. ' Am I speaking to Mrs.Sharma ? '

'Yes...... speaking'

Guy, 'You're a month overdue, you know!'

'How do YOU know?' stammers the young woman.

'Well, ma'am, it's in our files!' says the guy .

'What are you saying? It's in your files ...... HOW ?????'

'Yes ........... We have a system of finding out who's overdue'

'GOD !!!!!!...... ... this is too much.......... ..'

'Madam, I am sorry...... I am following orders.... I have to inform you are overdue'

'I know that ........ let me talk to my husband about this tonight...... he will speak to your company tomorrow '

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to Electric Company's office the next day morning.

'What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?' the husband shouts.

'Just calm down,' says the lady at the reception at Elecric Company , 'it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us..'

'PAY you? and if I refuse?'

'Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off..'

'And what would my wife do then?' the husband asks.

'I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle.'
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Shopping in China !!!

2008-11-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happen if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The Man Rules

2008-11-06T03:03:00.000-08:00

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.

( I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear 'the rules'

From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

Please note.. These are all numbered '1'

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon

Or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.

That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something

Or tell us how you want it done.

Not both.

If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' we will act like nothing's wrong We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball,football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -To give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -To give them a bigger laugh.

_______________________________________

by blogatouille

web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

No Candid Camera In Russia !

2008-11-05T03:39:00.000-08:00

Here is why there is no candid camera in Russia !
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Another Chinese product recall

2008-11-04T02:56:00.000-08:00

Another serious problem with defective Chinese products, Where will it end!!

Beware!!!!!!!
Wal-mart is selling lounge chairs made in China, and the plastic is very very cheap and thin.
Purchase at your own risk.

Those cheap Wal-Mart chairs.
Don't buy them.
HA HA HA ........................................
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Gay Parents

2008-11-03T03:13:00.000-08:00

Two gay men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sperm together and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated with it.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.
A dozen babies are in the ward, eleven of whom are crying and screaming.

Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.
A nurse comes by, and to the delight of the gay fathers, she points out the happy child as theirs.
"Isn't it wonderful?" one gay says to the other. "All these unhappy babies .... and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves the superiority of gay love!"

The nurse says, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the thermometer out of his arse!"
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

We're Back! Did You Miss Us ?

2008-11-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

Wow! Have we gone off the radar or what? It’s been almost half a year since our last post, but we are still with you. Stay in tune!

Long Vacation 2008

2008-04-26T09:12:00.000-07:00

The Long Vacation will run from Tuesday, 11st March 2008 until further notice. I will be out of range and not posting again.

Sorry for the late announcement.Catch us round June.

IRONY of life

2008-03-10T08:02:00.000-07:00

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.
2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.
3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.
4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.
5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.
2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensiveclothes and stuff.
3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something towear.
4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dressbeautifully.
5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just"an old rag".
6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expectyou to compliment them.
7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don'tbelieve you.

Wisdom :

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-years-old blond."

Now we have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-years-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out & find a hot 25-years-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great ? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis !
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Real Spiderman

2008-03-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

A real Spiderman !!! Jumping here and there...... Great !!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Insane 747-400 Landing

2008-03-08T03:00:00.000-08:00

747-400 landing...... Good Skill.......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Please vote for him

2008-03-06T09:53:00.000-08:00

Mr. Bean participate in Election 2008 area P-333 Funny Farm. Please vote for him.

Vote for me !!!
Joke 4 u !!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Baby first visit to the doctor

2008-03-05T05:35:00.001-08:00

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed ?

"Breast-fed," she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered. She did.

He pinched her nipples, presses, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed. The doctor said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."

"I know," she said, "I'm his grandma, but i'm glad I came."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Finally got the meaning !!!

2008-03-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

Cubicle = small chamber used for sleeping

Now I know why I feel sleepy when I come to office......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Invest in a good woman

2008-03-03T06:35:00.000-08:00

It's a great fortune to invest your time in a woman, especially a good woman. If you are an experienced man, you would certainly agree with me.

Women are peculiar species. If you have succeeded in conquering her heart, she will ceaselessly sacrifice for you till the end of your life.

Just think over, you just spend a little of your time to go out for dinner with her, watch a movie or give her a simple gift, or say a few words to touch her heart or you promise her that you will bring happiness till the end of her life, or take time to help her kill some cockroaches in the kitchen, or sometimes spend some efforts helping her to carry some heavy stuff, or to open the car door for her. Continue to do all the above things and care for her well-being for 2 to 3 years to come........

What do you get in return?

You will be amazed to find that you have a woman whom would continue to care for your well-being for the rest of your life. She will wait for you at the door steps with a naive and sweet smile each time when you meet her (of course, you don't get the sweet smile when you are arguing with her), nevertheless, she would still prepare a warm dinner for you after the heated argument has faded away...

The greatest of all things she has done for her life, is to give birth to your child (of course, the unbearable pain need not be mentioned here)... She would continue to care and feed the child that carry your surname for many years to come no matter how naughty your child would be.

On top of that, she also does the thing you that hated the most, i.e. doing housework, washing your clothes, sleep your child and tossing alone in the bedroom waiting for you at night for your return. For some of you, you would rather spend some time drinking with your friends at the bar! and telling her that you have important assignments in the office, letting her to wait for your return in the living room till the wee hours of the morning ...

When you are down, she will be the first to encourage you. When you are happy, she would be the first to feel for your happiness (even more happier than you are) before you open your mouth to tell her by looking at your face. When you achieve some good results at work or assignments, she feels the happiness with all her heart and pray to God to protect and bless you with more successes in the future.

Despite all the above, you repay her by asking her to talk less and tell her not to bother your work. You ask her to sleep when she wanted to spend some precious time with you sharing with some simple happenings of the day. ! Sometimes, you are too proud to take her out when you are out with you r friends. Can you feel that the suffering that she has to endure for the next 30 years of her life staying with someone like you?

And for men, for the next 30 years, what do you do to repay her gratitude; you are only capable to continue to do what you know.......to work

Please continue to appreciate the woman of your life....

If you noticed that if there any women whom start to show some sacrifices to you, your door to the days of happiness has opened before you ....

Please grab the opportunity to share the happiness ! with her and help her to be the man of her dreams....
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The Mad Magazine Guy

2008-03-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

Did you ever wonder what happened to the guy in Mad Magazine?
Watch as he grows up!

_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #6

2008-03-01T00:02:00.000-08:00

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer.

She read, "...and Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling!' "

The teacher then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Sh*t! A talking chicken!' " The teacher was unable to teach for the next minutes.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #5

2008-02-29T08:05:00.000-08:00

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower.

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #4

2008-02-28T07:03:00.000-08:00

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice.

"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said.

"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

"The big sissy."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Sorry Notice

2008-02-27T07:43:00.000-08:00

We are terribly sorry for any inconvenience, but this page is either not completed, not yet approved and published, or it is down for maintenance. We do appreciate your patience and understanding during this time of construction. Remember all great journeys start with the first step. If you have any questions, suggestions, or complaints, please do not hesitate to send them to the blogatouille.

Why we love children #3

2008-02-26T06:16:00.000-08:00

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him,

"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,

"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!' "
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #2

2008-02-25T06:48:00.000-08:00

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later :

"Da-aaad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later :

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later...

"Daaaa-aaaad..."

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #1

2008-02-24T05:17:00.000-08:00

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but is was dead.

"How do you know that the car was dead?" she asked him.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." answered the child innocently.

" You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy. "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Men are so funny

2008-02-23T02:25:00.000-08:00

This is about the collections of the funny accident videos. Enjoy ~~!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Power of an egg

2008-02-22T07:53:00.000-08:00

Lets see the power of an egg......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The golf accident

2008-02-21T05:40:00.000-08:00

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize, " Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great .....but my thumb still hurts like hell.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Chelsea Clinton

2008-02-20T07:18:00.000-08:00

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier.

She asked if, as an American fighting man, was there anything scared him?

He told her there were only three things he feared:

1) Osama

2) Obama

AND

3) Your Mama

And Chelsea said, 'I know, same as Daddy'
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Smart Money Business

2008-02-19T03:43:00.000-08:00

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey is running all around the place. He grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the pool balls and to everyone's Amazement, sticks it in his mouth, and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?'

'No, what?'

'He just ate a pool ball....... whole!'

'Well, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy, 'he eats everything in sight. I'm sorry about that, but I'll pay for the ball and stuff.' The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

A few weeks later the guy and his monkey are back. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is sipping on his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. 'Did you see what your monkey just did?'

'No, what?'

'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. Then he stuck a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!' said the bartender.

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he shit that cue ball, he measures everything first.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Genuine Supporter

2008-02-18T06:46:00.000-08:00

Now that's what I called Supporter.
A group of supporter using the plastic as raincoat when their team in playing.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Big umbrella

2008-02-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

Hey dude, where do you get this umbrella ? I'm looking for one.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Naughty guys at the beach

2008-02-16T00:31:00.000-08:00

hey guys, what are you doing there ? It's great that mobile phone inventor integrated camera into phone. Now we can fully utilise it camera feature while others may thought we are typing sms.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

How to spot millionaire !!!

2008-02-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

y Here I'm about to reveal the secret of how to spot a millionaire by using your naked eyes...... This course is short and compact !!!

Congratulations !!! You are now finish my short course.
You're graduate !!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Osama bin Laden 's Valentine

2008-02-14T12:18:00.000-08:00

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Happiest Valentine's Day ‏

2008-02-13T08:30:00.000-08:00

Hi there!

Advance Happy Hearts Day to you there!

Love is in the Air as they express it as the Valentine's day is nearing and as the Love month is filling everyone's hearts... young and old... between lovers, brothers, sisters, parents and children, and more!

How about showing to your loved ones that you truly love and care for them? A simple call, or a text message greeting them a Happy Hearts Day this season is a great help for them showing them that you care and love them.

Estate Planning

2008-02-12T07:59:00.000-08:00

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father andworking in the family business. When he found out his father was ill and he was going to inherit a fortune when he died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the mostbeautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty tookhis breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," hesaid to her, "but in just a few months or so, my father will dieand I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card andthree days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Warning! Hazardous element!

2008-02-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

Occurrence: Found in Large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions

Physical Properties:

Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason. Melts if given special treatment. Bitter if used incorrectly. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.

Chemical Properties:

Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning. Greatly increased activity with saturated with alcohol. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Use:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can be a great aid to relaxation. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural state. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

Hazards:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
_________________________________________
by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

CNY Holiday Notice

2008-02-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

Jokes2all will be closed on 06/2/2008 (Wednesday) until 10/2/2008 (Sunday) and will resume our business on 11/2/2008 (Monday). Thank you.

Jokes2all are delighted to send our best wishes to you for a very happy Chinese New Year in the year of the Rat. Gong Xi Fa Cai.

Math Calculation of Woman

2008-02-04T05:56:00.000-08:00

This is the best calculation I've even seen. Who said math is boring ? Hahaha.......
_________________________________________
by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Sex in the Future

2008-02-03T01:10:00.000-08:00

Think how the sex in the future ? Watch this video and get the answer...... Apple i-mac born an ipod...... Hahaha
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why do couple still SMS ???

2008-02-02T09:21:00.000-08:00

Guess what happen to this couple ? Use to sms to communicate......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Miscommunication

2008-02-01T18:07:00.000-08:00

Memo from CEO to Manager :
Today at 11 o'clock tere will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head :
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager :
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor :
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to Staff :
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen everyday.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Contractors

2008-01-31T08:38:00.000-08:00

These Contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown.

They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.

How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Where did you get that car ?

2008-01-30T04:28:00.000-08:00

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. Don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.

Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Do you have a vagina ?

2008-01-29T06:37:00.000-08:00

Lilly is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes tothe door and opens it to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina". Shocked she slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what hashappened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again".

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. Do you have vagina?".

"Yes" she says.

The man replies.. "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!?"
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Woman's and Man's Poem

2008-01-28T06:53:00.000-08:00

Woman's Poem.

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens the door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to“how big is my behind?”
I pray this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Man's Poem.

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs,
Who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me hunting and fishing.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit!!
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Hyena as Pet in Nigeria‏

2008-01-27T00:52:00.000-08:00

Anyone interested ??? hehehe.....

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Let me explain......

2008-01-26T03:18:00.000-08:00

"Darling, let me explain...... "

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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

5 DON'TS when you are sleeping

2008-01-25T19:06:00.000-08:00

1 DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH

Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2 DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA

Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

3 DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE

Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mo! bile phone near you, switch it off first.

4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP

People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

Lastly.....

5 DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND

You may never wake up again.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Farting to the death !!!

2008-01-24T09:10:00.000-08:00

The Lenny Henry Show was a comedy sketch show featuring Lenny Henry.

It's a comedy skit for christs sake, a prime example of great british humor. The black guy can't stop laughing and I also could not stop laughing. A very worst time to fart ever......
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Come and wipe your hands on me !

2008-01-23T00:56:00.000-08:00

"Humans have corrupted brains...even when they see mannequins"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Going to become a Waiter !!!

2008-01-22T06:13:00.000-08:00

This is the receipt from Buffalo Club. Donal Trump, a rich property tycoon and also co-producer of The Apprentice Amecican season had spend USD82.27 for 2 iced tea, 2 large hot soup, 2 large mc pasta and 2 cappucino. And what is interesting is........ the tip was USD10,000.

"I think I am going to become a waiter.....when i grow up"
Imagine ur kid saying this after seeing this receipt.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Do not touch the car !!!

2008-01-21T06:33:00.000-08:00

Haha...... for those who ride bicycle on the road, please take this as a lesson....... Do not touch the car......
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

If Petrol Increase again......

2008-01-20T00:28:00.000-08:00

Here are few concept for the solution on how you can save money on petrol....... choose one you like and apply it. The last one is the "Hybrid" concept !!! All will save your up on your petrol expenses.

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

A Real Globalization !!!

2008-01-19T00:55:00.000-08:00

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor ( MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet( MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch ( MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN J O B. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals ( MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV ( MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.. AMERICA .....
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Sex Education

2008-01-18T00:35:00.000-08:00

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com