Chewing Gum Ads

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

What is Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: ' I am very rich. Marry me! ' - That's Direct Marketing'

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: ' He's very rich. 'Marry him.' -That's Advertising'

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: ' Hi, I'm very rich. 'Marry me - That's Telemarketing'

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:'By the way, I'm rich. Will you 'Marry Me?' - That's Public Relations'

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:'You are very rich! 'Can you marry ! Me?' - That's Brand Recognition'

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - ' That's Customer Feedback '

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: 'I am very rich. Marry me!' And she introduces you to her husband. - 'That's demand and supply gap'

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: 'I'm rich. Will you marry me?' and she goes with him - 'That's competition eating into your market share'

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: 'I'm rich, Marry me!' your wife arrives. - ' That's restriction for entering new markets '
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Send this to your boss

Hi Boss,

People who do lots of work...
make lots of mistakes

People who do less work...
make less mistakes

People who do no work...
make no mistakes

People who make no mistakes...
gets promoted

That's why I spend most of my time
sending e-mails & playing games at work
I need a promotion.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

How They Died ?

Two women were discussing how they died.
Woman 1: I froze to death, it was not bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

Woman 2: I died of massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating. I came home early to catch him in act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the lounge, watching TV.

Woman 1: So what happened?

Woman 2: I was so sure there was another woman there, somewhere, that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched and down the basement. Then I went throughout every closet and checked under the bed. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere. Finally became so exhausted that I just kneeled over and died of a massive heart attack.

Woman 1: Too bad you did not look into the freezer; we would both be still alive.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Guys are always guys

Guys are always guys !!!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Hokkien Bond

Finally there are James Bond in hokkien version.

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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

21st Century

Our communication - Wireless

Our dress - Topless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our youth - Jobless

Our food - Fatless

Our labour - Effortless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our relation - Loveless

Our attitude - Careless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our politics - Shameless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less.!!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Japanese - Back Flip

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Cute Nipple

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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Monkey in Paradise

Ooh la laa......
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Can you explain ?

It's amazing...... how he can do that ? Can you explain ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Which are Attractive ?

Why are women more attractive than men ?

Women......


and men !!!


...... Any other question ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Writing About The Sea

Junior School Children Writing About The Sea :

1) An octopus has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

5) A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)

6) My dad goes out in his boat, and comes back with crabs. (Emily Burniston age 5)

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6)

9) I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mum, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)

10) Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age 8)

13) On holiday my Mum went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Stress at Work

When you are in the stress office environment, don't try to entertain yourself like this...... or you will be the next victim...... hahaha !!!
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Eternal Question

Answer to the Eternal Question :
Why do Women live longer than Men ?








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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Investment Analyst

Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply from a financial person.

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: "What should I do to marry a rich guy?"
I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden (?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out?
(Please list down the names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've met a few girls who don't have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys.
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty


Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later.

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term - same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do contact me.

signed, J.P. Morgan
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Air Force and Army

Do you know the differentiate between the Air Force and the Army ?

NO ?

Well, here's the Air Force



And...... Here's the Army !!!


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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

2 Lines Humour

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE

RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife.
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not.

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only sl ept with you because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other.
That is until I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's emptyand so is your head.

I want to feel your sweet embrace.
But don't take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes .......
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "Go to hell."

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Office Working Pressure

This fella obvously under pressure and guys...... don't try it at office !!!

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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Paris and New York

Do you know how the difference between Paris and New York ?


Paris



and New York

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Naughty Yet Creative

A naughty guy draw a series of cartoons in creative way.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Psychiatric Hotline

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Words Women Use

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

That's Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

* Send this to the Men you know and want to help, or to the Women you know for a laugh.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Lock Your Car

I'm proudly introducing you a new way to lock your car. Cheap and effective...... The driver is Mr. Bean ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

ME and MY BOSS

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough.

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy.

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative.

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
He is cooperating.

When I make a mistake,
I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
He's only human.

When I am out of the office,
I am wondering around,
When my boss is out of the office,
He's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick,
When my boss is a day off sick,
He must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview,
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked.

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets.
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by ~Tiramisu~
web : -

Before n After Marriage

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to the top!!!!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Ice Hockey

"Hey, you know to play or not ??? Focus, please focus......
OMG, I wish I could kill you!!!"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Microsoft Windows

2 things to think :
1. Just wondering if microsoft copy this design for the window's logo......
2. This can be Bill Gates's previous house......
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Isteri Kesayangan

Pak Mat adalah seorang penduduk sebuah pondok di Selatan Thailand.

Pada pertengahan bulan Mei yang lalu isterinya yang bernama Maznah telah meninggal dunia kerana diserang penyakit jantung. Pak Mat yang berusia menjangkau empat puluhan telah diperhatikan oleh jiran-jirannya agak luar biasa iaitu beliau telah pergi ke kubur isterinya sebanyak tiga kali sehari. Pak Mat pergi pada waktu pagi, tengah hari dan petang untuk menyiram kubur isterinya lebih dari dua minggu secara berterusan.

Ada setengah dari jiran dan penduduk tempatan beranggapan Pak Mat begitu cintakan isterinya. Seorang sudaranya yang terdekat telah berkata, Awak ni terlalu sangat cintakan isteri sehingga sanggup berbuat demikian, yang mana tak ada siapa lagi dikampung ini buat begitu.

Pak Mat menjawab, sebenarnya sebelum Maznah hendak hembuskan nafas yang terakhirnya, beliau telah berpesan kepada saya, kalau hendak kahwin pun tunggulah sehingga rumput di kuburnya tumbuh dahulu. Oleh yang demikian saya terpaksa siram kuburnya supaya rumput cepat tumbuh.
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by ~Tiramisu~
web : -

Cute n Funny Dog Pics

And the last one is so sorry mummy...I will not bite on your shoe anymore...

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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com