Contractors

These Contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown.

They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day and anxious to go home.



How long do you think it will be before they realize where their vehicle is parked?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Where did you get that car ?

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream,

"Where did you get that car?"

He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs.."

"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."

So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they asked.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy. Don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser.

Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Do you have a vagina ?

Lilly is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes tothe door and opens it to see a man standing there. He asks the lady "Do you have a vagina". Shocked she slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman "Do you have a vagina". She slams the door again.

Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what hashappened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice "Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again".

The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered voice "Honey, I'm going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where he is going with it". She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.

Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question. Do you have vagina?".

"Yes" she says.

The man replies.. "Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!?"
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Woman's and Man's Poem

Woman's Poem.

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens the door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to“how big is my behind?”
I pray this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

Man's Poem.

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs,
Who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me hunting and fishing.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit!!
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Hyena as Pet in Nigeria‏

Anyone interested ??? hehehe.....





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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Let me explain......

"Darling, let me explain...... "

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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

5 DON'TS when you are sleeping

1 DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH

Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2 DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA

Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it.

3 DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE

Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mo! bile phone near you, switch it off first.

4 DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE UP

People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

Lastly.....

5 DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE / HUSBAND

You may never wake up again.
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Farting to the death !!!

The Lenny Henry Show was a comedy sketch show featuring Lenny Henry.



It's a comedy skit for christs sake, a prime example of great british humor. The black guy can't stop laughing and I also could not stop laughing. A very worst time to fart ever......
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Come and wipe your hands on me !

"Humans have corrupted brains...even when they see mannequins"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Going to become a Waiter !!!

This is the receipt from Buffalo Club. Donal Trump, a rich property tycoon and also co-producer of The Apprentice Amecican season had spend USD82.27 for 2 iced tea, 2 large hot soup, 2 large mc pasta and 2 cappucino. And what is interesting is........ the tip was USD10,000.



"I think I am going to become a waiter.....when i grow up"
Imagine ur kid saying this after seeing this receipt.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Do not touch the car !!!

Haha...... for those who ride bicycle on the road, please take this as a lesson....... Do not touch the car......
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

If Petrol Increase again......

Here are few concept for the solution on how you can save money on petrol....... choose one you like and apply it. The last one is the "Hybrid" concept !!! All will save your up on your petrol expenses.















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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

A Real Globalization !!!

Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6am. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA ) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor ( MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA ). After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet( MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator ( MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch ( MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car ( MADE IN GERMANY ) filled it with GAS from Saudi Arabia and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN J O B. At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer (Made In Malaysia ), Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals ( MADE IN BRAZIL ) poured himself a glass of wine ( MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV ( MADE IN INDONESIA ), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in.. AMERICA .....
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Sex Education

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.

Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.

Mother Faints...
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Confidence and Confidential

Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential.

Dad says, you are my son, i'm confident.

Your friend is also my son,that's confidential!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

What are they looking at ?

Guess what are they looking at ?
Soccer match ? Live match from TV ?
Greyhound ? Horse Racing ?
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Customer Complaints

Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs???

No, I work in a condom factory & these are customer complaints.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Important of Period

Teacher: u know the importance of period?

Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Say Cheese !!!

Oh no....... My butt !!!

Warning !!!
This child is professionally trained, don't try this at home !!!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Meets the Spartans Trailer

Meet the Spartans is a sequel to 2007's Epic Movie set for release on January 25, 2008. It was originally titled Epic Movie 2. The name was changed, possibly due to Epic Movie not being distributed by 20th Century Fox like this film will. As with Date Movie and Epic Movie, the MPAA rated it PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language, and some comic violence. Although it spoofs many movies, TV shows and people, it focuses mainly on the movie 300.



Enjoy the spoof movie trailer...... have a laugh.......
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Stupid Cops in Action

I believe the robbery viewed the video later must've been laughing like hell....
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Three Feelings

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and

Panic is when both are pregnant.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??"

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies," No, It means, With Idiot For Ever !!!"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Christmas wish

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"

Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Lose ALL your friends

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend to death.

Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Lost Wives

Two men met while both where looking for their lost wives.

1st: How yours look like?

2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?

1st: Forget mine. Lets find yours!!
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Don't Forget When You Are In China!

A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player.

Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, What would happened if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads:

'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Beware of snake !!!

A snake going to near them while they are discussing about something and not realize it...... very funny......
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Men are Hard to Please

The problems with GUYS :

If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.

If u DRESS nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.

If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.

If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lost FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.

If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u. (very true huh?)

If u don't make love with him, he says u don't love him;
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.

If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROUBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.

If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.

If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.

If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMAN.

If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.

If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

SO HARD TO PLEASE !!!

If u send this to guys, they will swear that it's not true......
but if u don't thry say u are selfish......

Send this to guys out there anyway......
Send it to girls also, give them some laughter......
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by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Give it to your wife

Machine wash warm, inside out, with like colours, use only non-chlorine bleach. Thumble day medium, medium hot iron. Do not iron print !

or

Give it to your wife
It's her job.
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

New Year's Resolution

A young man at a New Year's party turns to his friend and asks for a cigarette.

'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' his friend says.

'I'm in the process of quitting,' the man says.

'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.'

'What's phase one?'

'I've quit buying.'
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by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com