Why we love children #5

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year-old came into the room as I was preparing to get into the shower.

She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."

"I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #4

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice.

"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said.

"I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:

"The big sissy."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Sorry Notice

We are terribly sorry for any inconvenience, but this page is either not completed, not yet approved and published, or it is down for maintenance. We do appreciate your patience and understanding during this time of construction. Remember all great journeys start with the first step. If you have any questions, suggestions, or complaints, please do not hesitate to send them to the blogatouille.

Why we love children #3

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him,

"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,

"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!' "
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #2

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later :

"Da-aaad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

Five minutes later :

"Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?"

"I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later...

"Daaaa-aaaad..."

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why we love children #1

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but is was dead.

"How do you know that the car was dead?" she asked him.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." answered the child innocently.

" You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy. "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Men are so funny

This is about the collections of the funny accident videos. Enjoy ~~!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Power of an egg

Lets see the power of an egg......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

The golf accident

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize, " Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.

"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?"

He replied, "It feels great .....but my thumb still hurts like hell.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Chelsea Clinton

Chelsea Clinton recently discussed current events with a U.S. soldier.

She asked if, as an American fighting man, was there anything scared him?

He told her there were only three things he feared:

1) Osama

2) Obama

AND

3) Your Mama

And Chelsea said, 'I know, same as Daddy'
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Smart Money Business

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey is running all around the place. He grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the pool balls and to everyone's Amazement, sticks it in his mouth, and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, 'Did you see what your monkey just did?'

'No, what?'

'He just ate a pool ball....... whole!'

'Well, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy, 'he eats everything in sight. I'm sorry about that, but I'll pay for the ball and stuff.' The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves.

A few weeks later the guy and his monkey are back. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is sipping on his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. 'Did you see what your monkey just did?'

'No, what?'

'Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it. Then he stuck a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!' said the bartender.

'Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,' replied the guy. 'He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he shit that cue ball, he measures everything first.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Genuine Supporter

Now that's what I called Supporter.
A group of supporter using the plastic as raincoat when their team in playing.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Big umbrella

Hey dude, where do you get this umbrella ? I'm looking for one.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Naughty guys at the beach

hey guys, what are you doing there ? It's great that mobile phone inventor integrated camera into phone. Now we can fully utilise it camera feature while others may thought we are typing sms.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

How to spot millionaire !!!

y Here I'm about to reveal the secret of how to spot a millionaire by using your naked eyes...... This course is short and compact !!!







Congratulations !!! You are now finish my short course.
You're graduate !!!
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Osama bin Laden 's Valentine

Little David comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," he asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?"

David's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," David says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," his father asks in shock.

"Well," David says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give Osama a valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

His father's heart swells and he looks at his boy with newfound pride.

"David, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," David says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him."
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Happiest Valentine's Day ‏

Hi there!

Advance Happy Hearts Day to you there!

Love is in the Air as they express it as the Valentine's day is nearing and as the Love month is filling everyone's hearts... young and old... between lovers, brothers, sisters, parents and children, and more!

How about showing to your loved ones that you truly love and care for them? A simple call, or a text message greeting them a Happy Hearts Day this season is a great help for them showing them that you care and love them.

Estate Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father andworking in the family business. When he found out his father was ill and he was going to inherit a fortune when he died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the mostbeautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty tookhis breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," hesaid to her, "but in just a few months or so, my father will dieand I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card andthree days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Warning! Hazardous element!

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg, but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

Occurrence: Found in Large quantities in urban areas with trace elements in outlying regions

Physical Properties:

Surface normally covered with film of powder and paint. Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason. Melts if given special treatment. Bitter if used incorrectly. Found in various grades ranging from virgin material to common ore. Yields to pressure if expertly applied.

Chemical Properties:

Affinity to gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances. Explodes spontaneously without reason or warning. Greatly increased activity with saturated with alcohol. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Use:

Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can be a great aid to relaxation. Can be a very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

Pure specimens turn bright pink when found in their natural state. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

Hazards:

Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
_________________________________________
by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

CNY Holiday Notice

Jokes2all will be closed on 06/2/2008 (Wednesday) until 10/2/2008 (Sunday) and will resume our business on 11/2/2008 (Monday). Thank you.

Jokes2all are delighted to send our best wishes to you for a very happy Chinese New Year in the year of the Rat. Gong Xi Fa Cai.

Math Calculation of Woman

This is the best calculation I've even seen. Who said math is boring ? Hahaha.......
_________________________________________
by Psychologist Wannabe
web : http://psychologistwannabe.blogspot.com/

Sex in the Future

Think how the sex in the future ? Watch this video and get the answer...... Apple i-mac born an ipod...... Hahaha
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Why do couple still SMS ???

Guess what happen to this couple ? Use to sms to communicate......
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com

Miscommunication

Memo from CEO to Manager :
Today at 11 o'clock tere will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.


Memo from Manager to Department Head :
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.


Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager :
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor :
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, and as usual it will cost you.


Memo from Supervisor to Staff :
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen everyday.
_______________________________________
by blogatouille
web : jokes2all.blogspot.com